The day has been so busy as usual that I havent had time to think about tomorrow, let alone pack, read, prepare. It's now 10:45 and I've got nothing ready for tomorrow.
This evening I was starting to get nervous though, but when tucking in Ella for bed she looked at me and said " mummy will you ever be able to run around again?". Seriously, she did! I never thought my arthritis had impacted on what I did with the children in a way that they would notice but children are always more astute than we give them credit for. Anyway, I am no longer nervous, just back to feeling again that this is not just 'a vain or selfish option' , something that I should live with for longer rather than put my family through this.
I have worries about tomorrow but they are not about the important things. How big will the scar be? Will it look really ugly? How long will I have to walk around using crutches? What if the children run off with the crutches? Should I move the things I like to eat to the top shelf of the fridge so I can reach them easily? What should I wear home from the hospital? Leggings are comfy but if theres an enormous bandage at the top of my leg I wont be able to get them on... Will I be able to get socks on with the assistive device? I hate having cold feet. Would it be awful to ask the doctor for an extra night in the hospital - I could really do with a break and an extra good night's sleep. Or will they wake me up all night to check I'm alive like they do after you've had a baby?
As I say, not the important things. Time to take a shower and wipe myself down with all those wipes they gave me. Hope I dont wake up having nightmares about knives and that crazy operating table they use for this.
This evening I was starting to get nervous though, but when tucking in Ella for bed she looked at me and said " mummy will you ever be able to run around again?". Seriously, she did! I never thought my arthritis had impacted on what I did with the children in a way that they would notice but children are always more astute than we give them credit for. Anyway, I am no longer nervous, just back to feeling again that this is not just 'a vain or selfish option' , something that I should live with for longer rather than put my family through this.
I have worries about tomorrow but they are not about the important things. How big will the scar be? Will it look really ugly? How long will I have to walk around using crutches? What if the children run off with the crutches? Should I move the things I like to eat to the top shelf of the fridge so I can reach them easily? What should I wear home from the hospital? Leggings are comfy but if theres an enormous bandage at the top of my leg I wont be able to get them on... Will I be able to get socks on with the assistive device? I hate having cold feet. Would it be awful to ask the doctor for an extra night in the hospital - I could really do with a break and an extra good night's sleep. Or will they wake me up all night to check I'm alive like they do after you've had a baby?
As I say, not the important things. Time to take a shower and wipe myself down with all those wipes they gave me. Hope I dont wake up having nightmares about knives and that crazy operating table they use for this.
No comments:
Post a Comment