About Me

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Mum of Ella (6) Oliver (2) and William (6months) and idylically married. I am proud of my career in education and love to be active. I was born and grew up in England but currently live just outside of NYC. I have premature osteo-arthritis, with no known cause (physical inujury or genetic link).

Wednesday, February 29, 2012

one day to go

The day has been so busy as usual that I havent had time to think about tomorrow, let alone pack, read, prepare.  It's now 10:45 and I've got nothing ready for tomorrow.
This evening I was starting to get nervous though, but when tucking in Ella for bed she looked at me and said " mummy will you ever be able to run around again?". Seriously, she did!  I never thought my arthritis had impacted on what I did with the children in a way that they would notice but children are always more astute than we give them credit for.   Anyway, I am no longer nervous, just back to feeling again that this is not just 'a vain or selfish option' , something that I should live with for longer rather than put my family through this.
I have worries about tomorrow but they are not about the important things.  How big will the scar be? Will it look really ugly?  How long will I have to walk around using crutches? What if the children run off with the crutches?  Should I move the things I like to eat to the top shelf of the fridge so I can reach them easily?  What should I wear home from the hospital? Leggings are comfy but if theres an enormous bandage at the top of my leg I wont be able to get them on...  Will I be able to get socks on with the assistive device?  I hate having cold feet.  Would it be awful to ask the doctor for an extra night in the hospital - I could really do with a break and an extra good night's sleep. Or will they wake me up all night to check I'm alive like they do after you've had a baby?
As I say, not the important things.   Time to take a shower and wipe myself down with all those wipes they gave me.  Hope I dont wake up having nightmares about knives and that crazy operating table they use for this.

CBS News Interview

Tuesday, February 28, 2012

two days to go...

In two days they will saw off  the top of my hip....    Hmmmmm....
Three years ago I thought I had been lax in stretching after runs and was having trouble running and even walking.  The stiff and inflexible hip I'd had for years was now really painful and uncooperative.  I was pregnant so had left it until after my second child was born then went to get it checked out (expecting a pescription for some physio).  Instead two hours later I wa sitting on the step outside a doctors office on Park Avenue crying over the fact that I had arthritis and wouldnt run again.  As the doctor put it "it could have been worse - we could have seen a tumour on the x-rays".  Maybe I was making a fuss over nothing but it really felt like a life-changing Big Deal to me, even though I unfortunately understood exactly what he was saying. 
Now, three years and another child later I have had enough:
enough of limping when I walk round the block with the stroller
enough of thinking twice about where to sit on the floor in the playgroup's circle time as I can't get up without a wall to pull on
enough of gripping the stair-rail white-knuckled with one hand whilst carrying my baby William with the other
enough of trying to explain to my 6 year old Ella that I cant help her to learn to ride her bike without stabilisers as I cant keep up
enough of taking a pain-killer every night just so I dont wake up in pain every time I roll over
enough of wearing flat shoes every time I dress up to go out as heels hurt and I'm scared I'll fall over
enough of watching my husband come home exhilarated from his runs each morning.
OK , thats enough of the self-pity , lets just say I was ready to do something about it.

I researched Hip Replacement (having been told thats my only option), and then doctors,  and finally settled on Dr Davidovitch at NYU's Hospital For Joint Diseases, in Manhattan.  An anterior approach, minimally invasive Hip replacement is the way to go..
..I hope.

 This is the last night I'm allowed a glass of wine, or two,  trying not to obsess about the surgery but dealing with the family's stomach bugs and head-lice infestation in the last 7 days has helped distract me. I am sure this is not the usual way people prepare mentally for for surgery.